Monday, 10 October 2011


In fact we have reasons to be grateful in the whole "catflap" affair. (Some people are calling it catgate, but that's missing an obvious punning opportunity.)

The story starts in an ordinary, everyday, kind of a way. A 27-year-old Bolivian student completes his studies in the UK and rather than obey the terms of his visa and go home, he stays and gets a job - illegally.

Of course the authorities don't notice. They never do. No-one checks people out of the country. We just trust them to go when they should.

So, anyway, Bolivian guy, Camilo Soria Avila is his name, is sitting pretty, can probably stay for life if he wants, but, oh dear, gets caught nicking clothes from Debenhams. No surprise here. Illegal immigrants are nicking stuff every day of the week. Cops called. Do they arrest him, take him away, put him before a court, even check his immigration status? Nope, none of that. They give him caution and send him on his way.

Again so far, so normal.

But finally the creaky old justice system splutters into life just enough to realise they've given a criminal record to someone who shouldn't even be here. Barely a year later they've started legal proceedings to get him deported.

And this is where the story departs from the norm. If Snr Avila had been any normal illegal immigrant he would have got some local girl pregnant by now and be wailing that trying to deport him would damage his children beyond repair. Trouble is Avila isn't inclined to take that route. You see, he's a sexual invert. Not into girls. No siree. No kiddies for him. No tearful children to parade before the courts. What to do? Aha! Cunning plan... get a cat!

It's the perfect politically-correct family: Maya the cat, and her two daddies. Bingo! He's got a cat m'lud! Home free! Permanent leave to remain in the UK.

To be fair, it must be mentioned that Avila won his court case on more than just the cat. The authorities bungled the paperwork as well. But, that's par for the course. You can more-or-less count on that.

And we come at last to the good news. There's never going to be the pitter-patter of tiny illegal immigrant feet in the Avila household. You're never going to be forking out for a mini-Bolivian's education or medical bills or child benefit.

So, a silver-lining, surely?


Anonymous said...

I've got a cat and I'd hate to be separated from him. I genuinely consider him part of the family, and any decent cat or dog owner would.

Nationalist said...

You are allowed to take your cat with you when you leave the country you know.

Although, if you knew you only had a fixed term visa in the UK surely you would avoid getting a pet in the first place?