Thursday, 9 May 2013

Now then, now then

In the aftermath of the Jimmy Savile affair it is really getting quite difficult to keep with all the famous names being implicated in perverted sexual offending. We now have quite a list and only time will tell us which of these are monsters and which are themselves victims of malicious allegations and trigger-happy police. Odds are good that some of them are completely innocent.

Freddie Starr, suspected hamster-eater and singer, arrested, bailed, re-arrested on suspicion of molesting a 14-year-old girl.

Jimmy Tarbuck, fat comedian, arrested on suspicion of sexual abuse of a boy. His daughter Lisa is also fat. May answer if you call 020 7769 8965.

Gary Glitter, leader of the gang, already done time for underage sex offences and back in the frame again.

Eddy Shah, founder of the Today newspaper, currently being tried for six counts of rape of a girl under 16.

Max Clifford, kiss-and-tell merchant, arrested and charged on 13 counts of indecent assault, some on under-aged girls.

Jim Davidson, notorious Tory and comedian, arrested but no-one knows for what, but no-one likes him so that's alright.

Rolf Harris, singer, cartoonist and suspected Australian, arrested on suspicion of kangaroo bondage. Two "little boys" are helping with the investigation.

Dave Lee Travis, DJ and suspected cornflake, arrested on suspicion of jiggling a woman's breasts.

Nigel Evans, MP and Deputy Speaker of the House of Commons, arrested on suspicion of double male rape. He denies this categorically and it seems likely the allegation is completely spurious but he's an obvious homosexual and they are fair game.

Benny Hill, comedian and notorious woman chaser, or did they chase him - I can't remember - anyway he's dead so he can't be nicked.

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