Monday, 2 December 2013

Great news! Tom Daley is/is not (delete as applicable) gay

Tom Daley, who won a bronze Olympic diving medal for the UK in the 2012 London Games and was declared "world's sexiest man" by "a magazine", has come out as gay (or maybe not gay.)

The 19-year-old, who will be shooting for gold at Rio (selection permitting) is dating another man and is very happy. (Hat tip to Tony Blair for reducing the age of homosexual consent from 21 to 16.)

Tom Daley:
Likes bronze, and guys, but also gold and girls!

The BBC is lauding him; national papers are all over him - it's a great day for Tom and the Gay Community and frankly the whole country!

You see the thing is, straight white males are the "bad" people who are oppressing all the other people on planet Earth, and all the people they oppress (women, ethnic minorities, not-straight people) are the "good" people. So young Tom has jumped from the "bad" people to the "good" people, at least as far as the Left-wing media is concerned and new recruits are always welcome in politically-correct-land.

But wait, what is this in the small print? "Of course I still fancy girls...", said Tom. Whoops! That's not so good. So Tom is actually "Bi". And that means he still has one foot in the "bad" camp. (Pun not intended but I'm leaving it in anyway.) Still being half-oppressor tarnishes an otherwise feel-good story.

The solution is obvious: don't report that bit. At least not in the headlines or anywhere near the top of the article. Relegate the embarrassing not entirely gay bit to the end where hopefully not many people will see it.

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