Friday, 7 August 2015

Camila Batmanghelidjh: what is it?

Behold this exotic creature...'s a cuttlefish. It dines on crabs, which it catches by mesmerising them with a hypnotic display of bright colours. The poor crab watches in awe for a minute or so until a tentacle lashes out and grabs it. Too late the crab realises it has been suckered (quite literally!) and then it's dead.

Here is another exotic creature...'s a charidee collector. It dines on politicians, which it catches with a mesmorising display of clothing it has made itself. The poor politician is backed against a wall at a "do" and is told about the suffering of "deprived kids" and forced to hand over millions of pounds.

Of course neither creature is actually a fish; they are molluscs, although the Camila Batmanghelidjh  baffles scientists who are unable to agree on an exact classification. All agree though that the dress is fundamental to its feeding habits, tricking politicians that it might be an ethnic costume and therefore racist to say no.

The Camila Batmanghelidjh is native to Iran but mainly found in the UK, at least since 1974 when it moved here. The British climate has proved agreeable to the Camila and, with no natural predators, it has devoured hundreds of millions of pounds. But sadly a native species eventually got the measure of it; the Civil Servant has choked off its food supply.

So the politician is saved. Although, to be fair, the politician was never in any real  danger since it was spending some else's money.

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